how to find yourself again

Lose yourself in the worst way possible.
Lose yourself to the pounding music of the dance floor; to the white lies and white lines; to the loveless, luckless marriage of bodies sweating. Lose yourself in the roaring crowd; in the warm arms of cheap whiskey; lose yourself in the early morning walk of shame. Lose yourself in the empty; lose yourself till you’re emptier.

Lose yourself in the whisper of memories: where the shades of grey overlap to form a meaningless lump in your throat that never goes away. Lose yourself to the pounding ache that leaves you curled into a ball on the floor in a public bathroom. Lose yourself to the throngs of boys who throw themselves into your bed; who stay to long, and come too early.

 Lose yourself to your best friend: till he stares you in the eyes and no longer recognizes the monster you’ve become. Lose yourself till the people who matter no longer do. Lose yourself till no one cares anymore.

 Lose yourself by running away: the hotel rooms that beckon and the careless swipe of card that gains you entry. Lose yourself by visiting home and realizing that the only thing that’s changed is you.

 Lose yourself by leaving again.
Lose yourself in the best way possible by realizing the stranger in the mirror is you. Lose yourself by coming to terms with your past.
Lose yourself by trying to make right the wrongs; talking to the girl whose heart you broke by keeping silent. Saying thank you to the boy who left you. Lose yourself to the people who took from you and say goodbye forever.

 Lose yourself by walking in the night; where the streetlights caress your warm body as the cold wind kisses your hair. Lose yourself in the quiet; in the silence, in the enveloping thoughts. Lose yourself to the thoughts of who you were; the dreams of who you want to become. Lose yourself to the siren call of bad habits dying hard. Lose yourself in the books you used to devour, that lie silent, no longer beckoning. Lose yourself in the taste of coffee you used to enjoy. Lose yourself to good whiskey and your changing tastes.

 Lose yourself in the words that flow out of you like bitter bile. Lose yourself to the rising sense of self-respect. Lose yourself to the booty calls that go unanswered. Lose yourself to the buzzing of your phone until it becomes quiet: a gravesite of the person you used to be.

 Lose yourself in the winter.
Lose yourself in the memories that used to haunt you.
Lose yourself to his name; the echoing remnant of the broken you used to be.

 Find yourself by losing your past so completely that you become a new person again. 


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