confessions

confession #1.

i’ve been the girl who cheated.

i’ve been the girl who was cheated on, but i’ve also been the one who cheated.
i was 6 when my images of love lasting forever was shattered by the man who gave me life. in this sense, it would be easy for me to pretend that it was all genetics. truth me told, i was 16 when another him cheated on me, and i’ve been the other girl in this situation. i’ve been the girl that your boyfriend was cheating on you with. i’ve been the girl who was cheated on. i’ve been the girl who cheated. 

it’s easy to hurt the ones you love because you don’t want to hurt yourself, and the truth is that sometimes, people just don’t care. they’re so disillusioned and jaded by relationships that they simply forget that other people believe in commitment and trying. after all, we live in the generation of if it’s broken, throw it away. it’s not a great excuse, but there’s no such thing as an excuse for cheating. 

once a cheater, always a cheater, and all you can do is try and forgive yourself and move on from it.

confession #2.

i wish you’d never told me about her. no matter what i said contrary to it. no matter how excited i acted for you when you told me, there will always be that stinging hurt that you never once fought for me the way you fought for her.

there will always be the part of me that genuinely believes that i wasn’t good enough for you. 

and try as i might to be happy, it will always hurt. you are a scab that keeps reopening. you are the one that got away, and i’m torn between bitter anger and delirious heartbreak. 

confession #3.

i wish she was dead. 

the woman who gave me life, because my life would be easier if she wasn’t alive. 
i wish i wasn’t her daughter. and more than anything in the world, i wish i wasn’t here. i’ve forced myself to take this journey of a 100 days of happiness, but more often than not, my nails form crescents in my palm and i bleed to stop the anger, the resentment, the hurt from showing. 

and it scares me, how much i don’t see her as mother. 
because i don’t want to be a bad daughter. 

confession #4.

i’m the greatest liar in the world, and you don’t even know it. 

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