When You Are Loved

There is no need for second-guessing. There is no anxiously waiting by the phone. No what is he doing? Is he thinking of me? No need to be the psychotic, clingy girl that so many boys are afraid of.

 There is no being made to feel like a pathetic, psychotic, clingy girl. There is no need to pretend that you don’t know each other. No empty one night stands that leave you emptier. No dreadful walk of shame. No prolonging or delaying of are-we-or-are-we-not talks.

There is no I-thought-we-were-more-but-I-guess not. There is no guilty sex. No shameful sex. No we’re-just-hooking-up laughs. There is no angry sex. There is no drunk yelling in the middle of the night. No stumbling home at 3A.M. No tearfully calling your best friend. No expungement of someone from your life. No cold turkeys. No avoidance.

There will be no awkward morning afters. No am-I-allowed-to-talk-to-you-or-will-you-just-think-I’m-stalking-you-if-I-do awkward dances when you run into each other accidentally.

 

When you are loved, you will know.

 

It will be in his eyes as they follow you across the room. It will be in his laugh right before he grabs you around the waist and kisses you. It will be in his words; there will be no ambiguity designed to make you feel guilty for wanting to talk to him. 

You will know because he’ll buy you a toothbrush and shampoo because he wants you to stay over. He will offer you a towel and hang it up neatly without telling you so that when you next use his bathroom, you’ll see it, and the quiet enormity of it will fill you up with silent joy.

 He will want to spend time with you alone. Text you all the time. He will invite you to parties and events where he’ll introduce you to his friends. He will pick you up from work and send you to work the morning after.

When you are loved, you will feel loved. Cherished. Perfect.

He will let you know that it is his privilege to share the parts of you that no one else can get.  He will call when he says he will. Show up when he says he shall. Your friends will smile and shake their heads at you, but though they’ll be envious, they’ll also be happy.

When you are loved, the whole world will know.
Because he will let them know.
And above all, you, will know.

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