how to be the sort of person someone could love

i never saw you coming.
and i’ll never be the same.
but this life is waiting
and i’m wild with longing
this is a real escape
and maybe this is fate
i’m in a falling age
falling from my faithless stage

i want to settle down into the pages of a book and disappear into the ink so that my life is a character’s and i can erase the hurt and bitter longing that comes from crashing. i want to turn back the clock and act with the sort of grace that you don’t deserve and prove that i was the better person, but i’m not. and i’ve never been. but i want to be.

growing up is such strange torture, such painful glee. filled with grotesque parts that leave you wishing. 

i don’t want time to turn back anymore. 
i want to keep marching forward in stop-motion. so that i may enjoy each second in all it’s entire glory. living actually to the fullest. because it’s so easy in theory, but so hard in reality. 

and i’ll be a new person. 
one with grace. the kind of grace that transcends pride. 
that i may be worthy first. 

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