and still we dream

we build paths because we’re afraid of being left, so we take our routes and go, embarking towards some Great Perhaps thinking that the adventure will be better. 

but it rarely is.
because the adventure is right here, inside, and not “out there” in the unseen beyond. 

funny things; words. i’ve always wondered about roots (and routes) and how the two words sound so similar. like how broken contains OK. 
in philosophy class, we debated the problem of Evil, and i may never understand it but i like the idea that you have to hurt to appreciate the good things. i like the concept of ‘bittersweet’ by Shauna Niequist. i like the idea that bitter is what enhances the beauty because sweet is good, but it lacks depth. 

maybe it’s weird, but i like the idea that we’re given the gift of being able to lose things; be it ourselves or the things in our lives. in my cafe, we’ve bee playing Aga Zaryan on repeat and in one of her songs, she croons, cause you can never lose a thing if it belongs to you

we take for granted the things we have because we know we are able to, but i think just because you take something for granted, doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t appreciate it. and i feel like i’ve been losing myself since i moved to Shanghai, losing sight of who i used to be and what i wanted to do, but in retrospect, because i’m losing myself, i’m gaining insight into who i want to be, eventually, when i “grow up”.

i up-routed and left and i may be a nomad with no direction, but i’m travelling and i’m going somewhere, and that’s always a point. not the point, but it’s a start. and i’ll run, run, run, run and run. 

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