you can’t wait around for an idea. he disappoints.

“For a time, he had meddled, even peddled, looking for the light in his own eyes. But never enough was it, just as well, in his own mind, for the brand of fire which he desired was the sort a man might chase until he dies, and even at the gates of Hell, never find.”

– Nathan Turner by TheIncredibleBul (on deviantArt.com)

 

Mat Kearney sings, “c’mon, let’s try, one last time”. 
It’s funny.
Cause he sings our song.

I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all the memories and all the promises that mean nothing anymore. 
I remember reading somewhere (once) that it becomes easier and harder at the same time. Because life continues, past the green beeping line. It continues through birthdays and graduations and marriages. And it becomes easier in an every day way, but it hurts so much more on the grander scale. 

You’re turning 23 in a month. Everything we had is slipping away. And I meant what I said, till my dying day. Holding on to you, holding on to me. But you’re all I see. You’re all I see. 

This time last year, we were different. I can still remember with a fuzzy clarity, the look on your face when I gave you the drawing of us. That cheeky smirk you had when you wouldn’t share the strawberry cheesecake I baked for you because it was baked for you.  

Today, you text me, telling me you’re in Boston.
And it’s surreal; the realization that life continues. Past you. Past me. Past us.

And she’ll be a new face in a new city, and you’ll fall in love and begin again, just as I begin again. 
And we’ll begin to feel the same emotions we felt for each other, but towards other people and our lives will continue. Past the green beeping line, through graduations and marriages and divorces and losses and new births and baby brothers graduating and first born kids and friends leaving. 

We’ll continue living until one day, there isn’t the pang of what could’ve been. Until one day, there will be no more recognition for what things once were. 

And the realization comes with the understanding that 2014 will not carry with it the bitter regret in your tone when you told me what you remembered of 2012, and how it really was a good year, as you predicted.

Holding on to you, holding on to me. Baby it’s all I got cause it’s all I need. 
You’re all I need.

And we’ll begin again because this time, it’s for real. And today is gonna be the last one. I know there’s never gonna be an easy way out. 

 

 

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