what it mostly feels like.

it feels like my heart is missing, and in its place is a gaping hole, sucking in air and nothing else, so that the empty builds.

pho·bi·a

/ˈfōbēə/

Noun
An extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something: “he had a phobia about being under water”; “a phobia of germs”.
Synonyms
fear

i wasn’t lying when i said it would break me. but you still left, and what i can’t understand is why my heart had to break so yours would be OK.

sometimes, bad things happen to good people. that’s what they told me when i was ten. i’m still trying to figure out what the logic to that is. truth is, it doesn’t affect you until it does, and as stupid as that sounds, the point is that people, as a rule of thumb, are stupid.

logically, i know. with the deepest depths of my being, i truly, truly do. but i still can’t help the way i feel. and that’s the problem. it isn’t time. the problem is people. it’s always been.

i want to be wanted. but i want to be wanted by the right person.
i understand now, like, i feel it, what it was meant by sometimes you’re the one who loves and sometimes, you’re the one who’s loved. 

 

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