that’s what D used to describe us. i don’t know what it means, but i’m sick of being “mostly” anything. mostly describes an almost and i don’t want to be merely an almost anymore.
2012 was a mess. i was a mess.
i’m not often one to make resolutions, but this year, i’m going to make an exception.
resolution #1. i will not sleep with people i don’t want to be in a relationship with.
and since i’m emotionally unavailable, that eliminates just about everyone at this period in my life. so resolution #1 should come with a check!
resolution #2. i will drink until i can’t drink anymore.
because i have the emotional range of a teaspoon, i need alcohol to help me get through the pent up/suppressed emotions that have come with our breaking up (almost a year ago) because the holidays are depressing and the start of a new year is doing absolutely nothing for my self esteem.
i like being in control of things and i like keeping my word. this resolution has elements of both. you destroyed my heart. i had no control over that. so in retaliation, i’m going to destroy my liver.
resolution #3. i will find a new home.
for our 6th month anniversary, i wrote you a song and in it were the cliched lyrics ‘because home is where the heart is, and it’s you who has my heart.’
resolution #4. i will realize that i am stronger. and i will get through this. and most of all, i will remember.
despite the pain. despite the persistent ache that comes from knowing and acknowledging. despite it all. i will remember that i can get through this and i will be stronger in the end. i hope.
resolution #5. i will bear in mind that while hope is the idea that it never ends, there are things that need to.
and crying over you is one of them.