when months become weeks and weeks become days and days become hours.
i like the idea of that.
today’s post is going to be short because as John Mayer sings, i’m just gonna say what i need to say, and i’m gonna leave.
today’s thought: leaving.
i don’t know if you’ve ever read this page, but it’s on the top of my blog and it’s called ‘and a chartered map of her world’. anyways, if you have, you’ve probably read these words. they’re uttered by LJ (one of my favourite poets on dA) who said,
“I do understand. . . And, there are times I look at the cool convertible in the garage and wish I could just drive and drive and drive…and leave it all behind.
But we don’t because who we are is right there inside, not “out there” somewhere.”
a couple weeks back, i texted a friend, D, randomly and told him, “i want to be a hippie”. i know, it sounds so pretentious of me. i think i said that because i really meant gypsy, but i have this inane urge to be hipster… but i digress. i told him that i wanted to because i wanted to hit the open roads and just be.
because leaving seems so much easier than staying.
because that’s all i’ve ever done. over the years, i’ve pretty much perfected the art of escapism, and i wore that with pride – the fact that leaving didn’t mean a thing.
i wanted to do the whole crossroads thing. jump into a car and just drive off and never come back. but i’ve never really had the guts to. except recently, i’ve realized that i’m always leaving. but despite that, despite being the one who leaves, i’m always there still. it’s never me who’s gone.
it gives so much credence to the phrase “you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country outta the girl”.
but LJ’s words paint my universe bigger, because he’s right. who we are is right here, inside, and not “out there” somewhere.
so today’s thoughts are on leaving, because i think that maybe, it takes a bigger person to stay. and i’m starting to get that now; what it means to stay, and how much you’re really giving up to.
i used to be so afraid of being my mother’s daughter, but today, thoughts of leaving fill me with quiet appreciation for all that she’s given up by staying. always staying.
i get what responsibility means now, and it’s no longer looking like such a heavy burden.
today, i am filled with thanks. i am happy for understanding and learning and growing. i am happy to leave the road behind now.
someday, that may change, but today, i am happy.