some days, happiness doesn’t need to be explained, and those are my favourite kinds!
i woke up today to cool air and sunshine. no blue skies, but the greys are a cool substitute… see what i did there?
i love the days when all you want to do is put an emoticon behind everything even though it annoys other people, and maybe that’s the thing? sometimes, it’s fun to annoy other people.
life is good right now, in this moment, and i’m in love with it… the abstract moments of almost-ness.
i used to want to make sense all the time, but now, i think i’m cool with just chilling, just cruising, just enjoying the moments without dissecting what it all means down to the little details. today, Josh Pykes croons my morning sunshine and i am an unstoppable force of awesomeness, blazing my way into a new horizon of blank happinesses waiting to be filled in with shiny, yellow highlighter ink!
you don’t scare me anymore!
ok. that was a blatant, bald-faced lie. the future still terrifies me, but right now? being terrified doesn’t feel like a bad thing.
(random: i want to write the world on my arms in ink so permanent, they have to be removed by laser. i want to twirl designs across the universe and sing my dreams and march to the beat of mongolian drums!)
i think we spend so much of our teenager-dom contemplating forevers and writing imagined futures into spiral bound notebooks, that we’re almost always disappointed with reality because it never fits our expectations of things.
right now, reality is coated with a dusting of sugar and sprinkles. i’m all gooey freshness and rainbows and double rainbows and my head is up in the clouds with unicorns, but i’m young, and maybe that’s not an excuse for everything, but i’m young. i’m not using it as an excuse. i’m merely stating a fact.
since i left university, i’ve been bogged down by all these “realities”, older people telling me “no you can’t do this”, “it doesn’t work like that”, “you’re too naive”. well, what’s wrong with that?
i want to start a revolution!
and maybe the only way i can do that is by giving others a glimpse of my world. maybe the only way i can change the world is by writing change sentence by sentence, trying to form some kind of coherent thought from my jumbled youth. maybe all i can do is embrace the memories and let the hurt ache and just say, i survived.
maybe all i can do is live the cliche and write the cliche and pretend to be abstract and logical when i’m just trying to be happy because life is the longest thing i’ll do, but happiness is a choice and i may not like who i’ve changed into, but change can be changed, and that’s why it’s called change right?
moments are so fleeting, and they’re so beautiful because they end. always.
i’ve always been infatuated with middles, but endings don’t seem so sad anymore.
i wrote about these lessons of summer.
i wrote about how i felt like i used to be a hurricane but now i’m just a breeze.
i wrote about wanting to expand my universe.
i wrote of heartbreak and heartache, of loving middles and hating ends. i wrote of awkward beginnings and tentative touchings. i wrote of winters and i wrote of summers. i wrote of love and i wrote of loss and i wrote and i write and i hope i never stop writing.
it doesn’t end with hope because hope is the idea that it never ends.
today, i am happy. i am a hurricane of sunshine.