a hundred days of happiness: day 8 – red heels

the idea of time is an abstract concept. one that we’re constantly trying to write out, to understand, to grasp. but time is like smoke. after a while, it disappears, and you will never know where it goes.

a few months ago, i don’t quite remember when anymore but it was still cold out, i think it was sometime in January? i attended pit night with a couple of my friends. i wore a pair of red heels – they’re really quite awesome, from Aldo. they’re a deep, shocking blood red and so, so comfortable! anyways, moving on, that night, i twisted my ankle in those heels and it took a while to heal. my left ankle swelled to twice its size! it was pretty brutal.

i remember it vividly only because i tried/attempted to learn how to snowboard with (and succeeded!) a bum ankle for one of my best friend’s birthday. it was horrid. i could barely walk for a week, and it felt like i was breaking it anew every time i strapped on those horrid snow boots, but strap them on i did, and learn to snowboard i did, and eventually, i started walking properly. i started being able to run without my ankle hurting. and i started to wear heels again!

this post is a little bit of a ramble, because my mind is a little scattered today. i have so many thoughts but they’re all fleeting and all over the place and my fingers are grasping at them, but they’re slipping through and i feel like i’m typing desperately for meaning.

today, i brought out those same pair of red heels, and i slipped them on for the first time in months, and i stood in them, i walked in them, and i’m fine. i’m better than fine.

there is no twinge to remind me that something was once broken. there’s no abstract pain left from the past, only a fuzzy memory. today’s musing: red heels, and the passage of time.
so often, we look back and realize how much has changed without us noticing, and i think it’s the realization that so much has slipped past that scares us. so much we miss. Socrates said that an unexamined life is not worth living, and my life has been full of quiet examinations of who i am lately. i’ve been so caught up in this, that i’ve failed to see the things that are slipping by quietly.

i think being glad about something and being happy about something is great, but it shouldn’t be the crux of it. there should be more than just this, and maybe that comes from living a life in which every aspect is examined thoroughly.

i don’t know where these thoughts are going to lead me, but i’m happy for forlorn musings triggered by red heels. i’m happy for time passing, and for quiet healing. i’m happy for being able to not remember.

today, i am happy.


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