i can’t really do this anymore
write for the world to see
because the world doesn’t want to see
and that’s what i’m realizing.
slowly, the effects of age takes shape
with the annoying reference of slowed metabolism,
rounded hips in exchange for the hard muscles of little girls.
in the psyche, the juices slow
so that the phenomenon of angst is dried up
and all that’s left is simple complacency and adult jealousy.
i want to be young again and not in the six year old sense.
i’m losing my drive
and it’s driving me to the brink of exhaustion.
i used to be terrified of mania
because it left me breathless with depression
but now i crave the warmth of familiarity.
it’s been a thousand blinks since i saw the sun –
the harsh glare of florescent does nothing for me.
i can’t do this anymore.
August 28, 2012