We Cried Over Boys and we Laughed over Beers

Life is a long lesson in endurance. 

There are some people you meet, whom you just know you will carry with you for the rest of your life. Their words touch you in ways that words shouldn’t, and in spite of the momentary fleetingness in which you pass through each others lives, they are yours, wholly and forever. 

I woke up today to bright sunshine and an oddly philosophical feeling, as though i could write the world into a chapter, and try as i might, the justifications are endless. life is a long journey towards death, and it’s not the morbidity that scares me, but the knowing. 

i’ve been reading the general in his labyrinth and i understand now the labyrinth isn’t life or death. it isn’t about suffering. it’s about knowing. whoever said ignorance is bliss was right. you can’t hurt over what you’ve never known, and it’s the knowledge of how things work out, how things play out, or how they should that keeps us all trapped in this labyrinth. 

someone i once knew and loved very well asked, why do you smoke?

i didn’t have an answer than, but sometime last week in my nighttime musings, i came upon the conclusion desperately parched of anything that makes sense. i smoke because all i’ve ever known is life. it seems stupid, aiding the process of aging when everyone holds on to youth. life’s complicated like that though, and contradictory. 

after a while, things fall apart, in imperceptibly small pieces until all that’s left is a memory of the glory days, of the good ole’ days, of days gone. truth be told, the world is huge. there are a billion other people out there all struggling for the same things, and all it takes is one chance encounter. 

the chinese have a saying, 有缘无份, which means that sometimes, you’re fated to meet, but not meant to be together. i think almost everyone we meet is like that. the boy who used to be my moral compass and i had a difference of opinion regarding this matter. 

we’re pretty similar. we both live by the laws of it’s all or nothing, the difference is that i’m the all part and he’s all nothing. what i mean is to say that when i fall in love, i really fall. for anyone. each love is different, and some loves are greater than others, but i fall despite the hurt because i believe in fate, and i believe in romantic cliches. i believe that anyone can have the potential to be the one because life is short and the world is big. if you’re meant to meet someone, to be with someone, sometimes you have to fight, but you also need to learn to say “enough!”, that you’ve done your best, and you can’t do that if you won’t even try. but boy who used to be my moral compass believes otherwise. he says, it doesn’t make sense to be with someone if you can’t know for sure, so he flounders and tells me he’s never been in love.

i don’t know if i’ve ever been in love either, but all i do know is that… there are some people, who touch you in ways that words can never fully express. they come into your life and leave a mark. “their place in your life is tender… a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. just hearing their name pushes and pulls at you in a hundred different ways.” 

and if life is a lesson in endurance, then bitterness is an excuse for age. 

how do we get out of this labyrinth? 


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