the bitterness endures, despite the harsh sun.
i suppose i should take comfort in the fact that nothing changes: the harsh remains constant, and as always, it kills my buzz.
time has a funny way of separating emotions from memories. that’s the major part of this so-called “moving on” theory, right? that time heals all?
i’m not sure what time is supposed to heal, or if it even really does, but what I’m sure of is that when I “look back”, i recall with less certainty, and certainly with less emotions.
i recall the people in blurred action sequences, and i recall vaguely, the time, the place, the feeling. i recall what they’re supposed to “feel” like, but it’s much ado about nothing. because recalling an emotion is akin to telling a five year old to remember what ice cream tastes like when they just want the real thing. stupid, pointless, poignant and ultimately redundant.
but life continues past heartbreak, and hearts heal as we change, and people change so time distances us. i remember reading once, or hearing (see what i mean about the theory of remembering? things get fuzzy. the details get lost, and it stops mattering, because there’s nothing left for it to matter) that time is the biggest distance in the world.
i believe it’s from the glass menagerie? i’m not sure… but i’m not too keen to dredge up that piece of my past i’ve buried (call it post-IB trauma).
the point is… life changes, and things change, and people change and sometimes, that’s a good thing. mostly, mostly, i’m afraid people use it as an excuse. but what can i say, i’m a stubborn fool. if anything though, my dreams, these past few weeks, have taught me that if there’s one thing, it’s that i have nothing to regret.
one day, i will forget the taste. i will forget the streets. i will forget the memories, and i might forget the names. but i will never forget having loved enough, and some say “enough” is a hard concept to grasp, an undefined term, but i know enough. i get enough. and i gave enough.
so endure the harshness i must, because to do otherwise would be giving up an essential part of being me, and i can’t. i won’t. i shan’t.
so i win. 😛