it doesn’t actually feel like much of an option.
but then again, nothing really feels anymore, these days. this crazy empty longing burns a hole inside me.
i’ve been reading a lot lately. mostly pretentious stuff. i’ve also been thinking a lot lately, and we all know that’s never good.
it recently occurred to me… what my understanding of some infinities are larger than other infinities is. Mathematically, most infinities are equal to each other, in terms of 0-1, and 0-2. The sum of the numbers are equal in terms of surjection or injection or what-other-mathematical-mumbo-jumbo (you’ll have to pardon me, i’m a writer, not a mathematician, i’m afraid.)
my idea of some infinities being larger than others is this:
when people die, they cease. it’s nice to think that they get reincarnated, or are in heaven looking down upon us. it’s nice to think that way, but the problem with that thinking is that it’s mostly all guess-work.
when people die, they stop living. this means that they no longer have emotions or thoughts or a life, so to speak. and because they’re no longer living, their “infinity” has ended. but ours goes on. and when we lose something, a part of us breaks, and we lose our shapes, because we’ve lost a piece of ourselves. we get wrapped up in misery, and because we’re still alive, our infinity still exists. our pain still continues, and sometimes, it grows.
C.S Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed,
“She will live forever in my memory” Live? That is exactly what she won’t do.
so my take on what some infinities are larger than others is (in terms of TFiOS) is that by simply being alive, by outliving the other, our emotions are the infinities.
but this is just my nonsensical, romantic, addled brain at work here.