relationships: winners and losers?

When did relationships become a competition of who could care less, of who could hurt the other more, of who loved the other less?

Growing up, I was fed a steady diet of epic love stories that lasted a lifetime. And no, I don’t mean Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or Hong Kong dramas where the guy falls in love with a girl and chases her to the end of the world. I mean quiet love, real life love. The kind of love that leaves you breathless in its wake.

I grew up listening to stories of my grandparents, who lived in post-war Singapore. My grandmother was a xiao-jie (lady) from a pretty wealthy family and my grandfather was their gardener. Back in those days, when arranged marriages were still rampant and thought of as the norm among the upper classes, my grandmother was to be betrothed to some other rich person when she my grandfather and her eloped and got married.

Sure, she got disowned by her family, but the point was that… That’s a terribly romantic idea. They’ve been married for over 52 years now and they’re still together.

Of course… My grandmother also taught me that you should always be with a man who loves you more than you love him, but that’s a moot point. My point is… what’s wrong with young love these days? With all the fighting, the silences and the constant battle of who could care less.

An old school-mate of mine put it best in her Facebook status update: making you regret what you did to me does not make me a winner. it makes us both losers.

And I suppose that’s where it made me realize the sheer idiocy of relationships these days. You shouldn’t be with a person in order to hurt them. While I’m well aware that there’s a fine line to walk between love and hate, I’m also well aware that you shouldn’t be with someone if your only goal in life is to hurt them, or if you feel like you’re in a constant battle with them. That’s not love.

I’m no Saint when it comes to these kinds of things, often times, my own relationship feels like a battle in which I constantly feel like the loser, but while fighting is often necessary in relationships, I do believe that when you fall in love with someone, and I mean truly fall in the most naively, heartbreaking way possible, it’s supposed to be forever, and it’s supposed to hurt… a lot, when you think of what it’ll be like to lose that person.

But then again, I am the great (self-professed) Romantic, so perhaps my idea of love are a little dated and unrealistic in this day and age. Still… Rather an epic thought, wouldn’t you say? Really chilling if you get down to it that these days, most people who claim to be “in love” are just trying to one-up each other.

Because that isn’t the sort of thing you do to your “other half” it’s the kind of thing that happens with your “frenemies” (to put it in teenage girl talk).

In this case, I do believe that there are two extremely famous bible quotes that I could quote.
Love is patient, love is kind.

But… at the same time, to everything, there is a season. 


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